Why do some men do use women? In a nutshell, because they're too afraid to tell the truth.
The truth is this, they believe women only want relationships and don't believe they can have casual sex without lying.
Not to over generalise, because not all men will use women, but it has been my experience that a lot of men will go through this phase of ''using women" and some will never come out of it.
Casual sex is fine and as long as you're using protection it's healthy. But, and it’s a big but, it becomes "wrong" when men lead a woman to believe it’s more than casual sex for them.
If we get down to the root of this, men will give the impression that they want more up till they get what they want and move on to another.
But even deeper still some men will continue the facade of being in a relationship to ensure regular sex is available to them for extended periods of time.
I have been used by men in the past and at first, I didn't want to recognise the signs. I also wasn't paying enough attention because I wanted the relationship and chose not to see the obvious signs.
So really this combination of a man just wanting sex and is willing to play the 'we are in a relationship' game and the woman who wants the relationship creates a ‘falling through the cracks’ scenario of clues.
Most of the time women get the clues but we chose to ignore them or at the very worst we make excuses for them.
Just like women, men are incredibly wise creatures but deeper than that a lot of men are deeply in tune with which women suit their character best.
I know this after meeting my husband and listening to his stories and the stories of a lot of his male friends.
Men use their gut more than we give them credit for but this doesn't mean they'll pass up the opportunity for casual sex if it becomes available.
Because while they may be incredibly wise they are also wired to spread their seed far and wide.
So that means they are in a constant battle between their innate sense of what they want in an ideal partner and their overpowering drive to fertilise everything in sight.
So what does all this mean? It means that women, especially women who don't want to get caught up in the male web of sexual conquests and not being their 'one' to find a way to separate the men who'll use them for sex from the ones that are genuinely looking to find their soulmate and life mate.
I've put together a few points to look out for when you're dating someone you suspect could be using you.
He doesn't introduce you to his friends or family and there is a distinct separation from you and his 'real' life.
He'll intermittently ghost you; here today gone tomorrow kind of scenario. He comes and goes from your life as he pleases.
He's not genuinely emotionally invested in what goes on in your life. He asks very few questions about you and you get the sense he's not listening when you do talk about your life.
He only rings you to 'come over' after hours.
He's too busy to spend time with you. When a man is invested and totally into you there is NO keeping him away! Unless he's in a coma there are no excuses? Even if he's travelling for work, a guy that's truly into you will always make sure to touch base and connect with you in some way. This was one sign I got that made me aware that my husband was looking at me with forever eyes. He'd never let me leave our date until we made plans to see each other again in a day or two. I might also add he was working long nights and shift work at the time but he always made time to see me.
Your gut is telling you this guy isn't in it for the right reasons.
He can be cold or unresponsive to your text messages. You know the kind I'm talking about. Quick one-word answer texts or no reply at all.
He only seems to liven up when there's a possibility of sex on the table, otherwise, he's generally casual and disinterested.
Never wants to discuss "where is this relationship going" questions. He skirts the topic or tells you to just chill out about it.
He isn't interested in creating a bond with you. He's more interested in having fun and leaving the mushy stuff out of it.
Again casual sex is healthy and fun if both parties are in it for the right reasons. Anything else means someone is going to get hurt.
Don't be blinded by your desire for a relationship and completely ignore the signs.
While the 10 points above are a good starting point always rely on your own interpretation. Listen to your gut and make a mental note of the signs that this could be a one-sided relationship.
Be courageous and observant because the longer you choose to ignore the signs the deeper you'll fall. The deeper you fall the bigger the heartbreak.