So much of the world is being held imprisoned by the description of “being single” as though it were wrong or to be avoided at all costs.
Yet in the grander scheme of things we are all single, one person, one life. Even in a relationship we are still one single human being who shares their physical space with another human being.
In my single days, which weren’t so long ago, I remember all my single life stages. From feeling desperate and despondent watching my friends and family marry and start their married lives to feelings of total elation much later in life when I embraced my singledom and just got on with it.
I stood back and watched couples who had no business being a couple in the first place marry and discover that all those “issues” they had before marriage didn’t magically disappear after “I Do”.
All the while I just got happier and happier in my single life. I had tapped into the understanding that there is nothing to avoid or run from, there was nothing wrong with me. I was just living the same way as everyone else “alone”. My marital status had jack to do with my level of happiness.
Great peace comes from being willing to shine a light on the parts of ourselves we’d rather keep in darkness - those awful judgements, both internal and external, that tell us we are not enough if we are single.
How insanely wrong and damaging this notion is that we are missing something, it leads people down an unnatural path of loneliness and unnecessary heartache.
How did we get so lost, why is the consensus "two is better than one?" It is not, it's just different.
When you no longer subscribe to this belief system and accept who you are you’ll find a gold mine of hidden treasure within you.
I know because I had found it and joyously lived it for years before eventually falling in love.
I had fallen for myself first, I didn’t care anymore I was just happy. That happiness had been sitting inside me for decades waiting patiently for me to discover it.
This happiness is already inside you; you can tap into it now, you just have to learn to remove the unnecessary layers of nonsense, judgments and expectations.
So how do you decide what is nonsense and what is not? You do this by tuning into how these statements make you feel.
Let me elaborate. Below are two sentences that I want you to read. Before you start mute anything around you that could be distracting and read each sentence aloud and watch for the reaction inside your body and mind.
Does the sentence make you feel uplifted, lighter with relief or does it make you feel heavy, sad and awful about yourself?
Once you read each sentence sit with it for a second or two, let it wash over you then tune into how it made you feel.
“There is so much I love about myself, I have so many amazing qualities.”
“I am not enough, people don’t like me and avoid me at all costs”.
How do each of those statements make you feel? Which one felt yuck? The second one right?
It didn’t sit well because it’s not true.
So, use this little exercise to peel away the layers of false truths and statements residing in you.
Write down a list of judgements/beliefs that float around in your mind, then write a new positive statement for each.
Read the new positive statements over and over until they become your new truth. It just takes the same applied action repeated to change an old belief into a healthy and truthful place.
A place where “being single” just means one single person in a world of 7 billion other single people.