“Chill the fuck out” would be the first thing I’d say.
For way too long I hated being single and for much of my single days I pretended that I didn’t mind it but on the inside, I minded a lot.
If I could go back in time to visit this frustrated and sometimes cranky Sladana I would take her for a coffee and the following would ensue;
“Sladana, life isn’t much different after you get married. Yes, you get to love and be loved (which is super great) but your problems double, you will have twice the obligations and responsibilities you had while you were single.
Enjoy that quiet place in your life that single people experience where you feel the world is moving on without you it’s actually called peace.
While a healthy relationship is peaceful in of its self you suddenly have twice the people around you making all sorts of new and bewildering noises.
You are now related to people who you ordinarily would never associate with and this can be a tough one.
You’re thrust into a world you know nothing about.”
There was one occasion early on in my relationship with my husband (then boyfriend) where I was utterly shocked and bewildered.
I went to a family party of his (my first) which turned very ugly. Screaming, yelling, slamming of doors and whispers of having to call the police.
We had quietly moved to the back of the “party” away from the drama and I looked at my new boyfriend and said, “you didn’t warn me”. He just wrapped his arms around me and didn’t flinch – he was used to it.
My husband is a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy), he’s refined, down to earth and sweet – and this display in front of me was the opposite of everything he was. “Where Am I” is what I was thinking.
I would also tell single Sladana that “she could use her time more wisely. Rather than sulk and be frustrated with the quiet times instead do something constructive with her days.
Pick up a book or two and make self-development your hobby. Push yourself to be a better single, a contented and grateful single woman.”
I eventually did do this but I was in my 30’s by this stage, things would have looked a lot different if I’d made the improvements earlier on.
My single days were at a different time in the world – well my Eastern European world where people were getting married straight out of nappies (jokes they were more like 18).
I cared too much of what these people thought of me. I’d tell my single self that “you are ahead of your time, it’s ok that you don’t fit in with this lot, find your people, they are out there”.
So, my message to my single self and anyone who wants to hear it – don’t waste another minute feeling sad and defeated – do something about these feelings.
Find resources that can help shift you into a better existence – there’s a better easier way to be.